All the emotions

The Emotional Toll of the Last Day

Beth Maloney Education, Elementary, Life in the Classroom, Social Issues

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Yesterday was the last day of school.  There was a pizza party, yearbook signing, and lots of adorably dramatic pre-teen tears mingling with shouts of joy.  In theory, I should have woken up today with a feeling of freedom and joy at the thought of the summer ahead.  But I didn’t.  My heart is heavy.

Here’s what people who aren’t teachers don’t understand…your students don’t stop being your students when the bell rings on that last bittersweet day of the school year.  You cannot spend more than 1,000 hours with people that you’re trying to understand, to reach, to teach, without caring a lot about them.  That’s the emotional toll of teaching, especially at the end of the year when we say our goodbyes.  I’m going to worry about some of my students being hungry without school breakfast and lunch over the summer.  I’ll wonder if they’re selecting good-fit books (or any books at all).  I’ll worry if one will continue to struggle with homelessness, quite a few with anxiety and depression and if others will be taken out of the foster care system and returned to their families.

The emotional toll of teaching is very real.  A good teacher knows that learning occurs only when a relationship is built between the student and teacher.  In order to teach well, teachers have to draw students’ attention, they have to motivate each individual student, and they have to ensure orderly classroom management with increasingly large class sizes.  We have to practice large amounts of patience while inspiring achievement and help students knock down barriers to their success.  These require that teachers show certain emotions while suppressing others. Studies have shown that the emotional toll on teachers leads to emotional exhaustion and burnout.  It is also a crucial area to study as we begin to understand the many factors that cause our teacher retention crisis.

I’ve been a parent, friend, counselor, cook, social worker, cheerleader, and even nurse to my 65 students this year.  With changing family and societal dynamics, being all things for students is increasingly important while becoming increasingly challenging.  I’ve cried with them over dead hamsters and separating parents, sang songs and danced with them, and cheered for them at band concerts and talent shows.  I’ve let them into my life, and I’ve been included in theirs.

It may be hard for someone outside the profession to understand, but there is no such thing as goodbye between a teacher and a student.  Teachers never leave work at home and never leave students out of their minds or hearts.

Some of this year’s students will come back for a hug and a visit every day until they go to high school.  Some will come back for yearly visits and send occasional emails. Some will vanish.  But I’ll never forget any of them.

Parker Palmer, in his inspirational book The Courage to Teach, explains it best, “Small wonder, then, that teaching tugs at the heart, opens the heart, even breaks the heart – and the more one loves teaching, the more heartbreaking it can be.  The courage to teach is the courage to keep one’s heart open in those very moments when the heart is asked to hold more than it is able” (1998, pp.11).

My traditional last day of school circle where we share our favorite moments of the year together.  All the feels.

My traditional last day of school circle where we share our favorite moments of the year together. All the feels.

Don’t get me wrong – I am in desperate need of a break from the emotional toll, not to mention the physical and cognitive demands of our job.  But my heart aches as I wonder about this kid and that one, and wish that they all return for hugs and high-fives after the break.  Until then, I’ll be thinking of them.

 

Beth Maloney

Surprise, Arizona

Beth Maloney is currently in her seventeenth year of teaching and enjoys every minute of her time in the classroom. She has taught kindergarten, third grade, and is currently teaching fifth grade in Surprise, Arizona. Beth is a National Board Certified Teacher as an Early Childhood Generalist and is a Candidate Support Provider for the Arizona K12 Center, where she coaches and mentors other teachers undergoing the rigorous National Board certification. She is a member of the Arizona TeacherSolutions® Team, a Teacher Champion Fellow through the Collaborative for Student Success, and is appointed to the Governor’s Classrooms First Council. Beth is honored to be Arizona’s 2014 Teacher of the Year and appreciates having the opportunity to represent the teachers of Arizona. Beth was awarded an honorary doctorate in humane letters from Northern Arizona University and is currently pursuing her doctoral degree. Beth loves talking with and learning from other teachers around the world. She strongly believes that teacher voice in the public education dialogue is the best way to make change for the better for all students.

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  • http://www.leadfromINtheclassroom.com/ Jess Ledbetter

    I totally know the feeling. As a developmental preschool teacher, I have some of my students for three years. I get to know their families well and miss the families, too. I think that teachers who care deeply teach best. The kids can feel the love :) I think it’s the sign of a good teacher to wonder about students years later–and the sign of a job well done when they stop by to check in. Great post, written from the heart!

  • Mary Spangenberg

    This is so true! Great words!

  • Lisa Moberg

    We are a part of a child’s educational forever family! Well written, Beth. :)

  • Angela Buzan

    This is a terrific post about a unique kind of heart-ache. The first week of vacation is so disorienting. End-of-the-year panic dreams are a thing too. :)

  • http://storiesfromschoolaz.org Amethyst Hinton Sainz

    So much truth in this post. This year I missed the last day, and between that and preparing to miss the last day, I felt like I didn’t properly honor my students and say goodbye. When I realized that this had happened, I was very sad. I am never letting that happen again!